Anxiety over School Safety

My oldest daughter started first grade this year. It is my first experience sending a child to public school, having her ride the bus, the entire “school thing.”

Our first day was good. I drove her to school and picked her up. She was happy about the day, just a little leary since she hadn’t made many friends yet. Totally fixable for the future.

The next day she wanted to tackle riding the bus. I was going to wait until week two, but I tend to let me children grow at their pace. So since she wanted the bus, we were all in.

Getting to school was pretty good. We followed the bus and helped her figure out school procedures. She was happy.

That afternoon I eagerly waited for her at the stop to get her off the bus, but when the bus arrived she wasn’t on it. After interrogating the bus driver I found out she had been let off at the wrong stop. I found her crying in the arms of a stranger on the side of the second busiest street in town. She had been walking the yellow line trying to get home when this kind person pulled her out of traffic.

She was terrified. I was terrified. All I could do was hug her and thank god for protecting her. This was the first time my child was not safe, and I hadn’t been there to protect her.

I had to ignore my initial instincts and keep my composure to let my child know everything was okay now. Apparently I did well enough she wanted to ride the bus again the next day. My husband and I took turns following the bus for weeks to make sure it didn’t happen again.

Fast forward to today. The school district received a threat. School is open, but in modified lock down. Will she be safe? Can I trust someone else to protect her?

I convinced her to stay home and help me with her sick siblings for the day since I also feel horrible. It What would you have done?

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Everyone is Sick

There is one thing I never thought about when we were deciding to have children. I thought about the cost, what kind of life we wanted to have with our children. I researched car seats, doctors, schools, but never even fathomed thinking about how a week of my life could go if all of the kiddos would up catching the same bug.

Now multiply that by the last 6 weeks. I have had three bugs cycle through all 4 children, except the flu which thankfully skipped little Lincoln. Not just the children, but Ben and I as well.

We have been taking turns soothing children while taking shifts with the babies to get some sleep ourselves. Did I mention that we are sick?

Days like these are what people should experience before they decide to have children. It’s one of those moment s that makes you think about the experiences kids should encounter during health class so they will wait until they are actually ready for this.

It’s been a rough few weeks. Any suggestions for getting this family healthy?

Deadline is Real

The last two weeks of each month are hectic, stressful, and frankly not very much fun for anyone around here. Its newspaper deadline and distribution which means mommy and daddy have a lot of work to do.

But children still need us. They need to talk with us. Snuggle with us. They need food and diapers changed.

All the stress makes for a very tense household, with unhappy children. My fuse is short and I dont feel like i have time to respond in what i think would be the best manner.

It makes me want to forget about the seemingly endless list of work I have to do and spend the day cuddling with my children. But that isn’t an option if I want my family to be successful.

So, I deal with the kids crying and try to tell them next week I have more time, because I do. And finish as quickly as I can to get the papers out so life can go back to “normal.”

Until the end of the next month at least….

8 Amazing Years

My husband and I “celebrated” our 8th wedding anniversary.

I say that in quotes because my husband and I only saw each other for a few minutes on our anniversary. And we didnt go out a different night or plan anything special. I worked and took care of our children while he worked and then went to his job as a councilman.

It was just another day in our life together. And as I thought about that, it didnt upset me like it might some.

It was another day of him being supportive, encouraging, and plain wonderful. I’m not saying that every day is perfect, but what is one day when we have our entire lives?

I have always thought it was so silly for someone to put so much stock in celebrating special days. Inevitably, those days are awful. Full of expectation and upset when things go wrong.

My husband is amazing. Everyday he works for me, he supports me, he does all he can for our lives to be as good as possible. With all that he does everyday, one day could never be more than that. I feel his love every day and I couldn’t ask for more than that.

Looking for the Light

My children attend a local church for preschool. I subscribe to their Facebook page and like to see the updates that are happening.

This week members of the church lost their baby. I dont know the details, but this precious little boy is now in heaven. Every time I see an update on the funeral or the family I am crying, even though i have never met these people.

I have never met them and I have never felt their pain, but I can imagine what they are going through and I wouldnt wish it upon anyone.

It gives some perspective to the perfectly imperfect life that I am struggling through. I have 4 amazing, mostly happy, healthy children. We are together.

There are a lot of things going on in my life right now. I am overwhelmed. But I need to try to focus more on the good. The smiles, the snuggles, the giggles. Choose the good. This is what I am going to try and focus on.

This Time of Year

This is a very difficult thing for me to write, but hopefully will be helpful to me and someone else.

As a mom my job is to keep my children growing, learning, and thriving. But as a mom with seasonal depression its all I can manage to make sure they don’t starve some days. I want to crawl up in a hole and cry while pretending that the rest of the world doesn’t exist. I don’t want to meet with clients, check my emails, or answer the phone. I can hardly force myself to get out of bed to feed and snuggle my children.

This year has been especially hard as I have been on the edge of having post partum depression since Lincoln was born the end of March. So, I finally called the doctor to say I needed help. My depression seems to be getting worse, not better and I want to be able to be me. I want to be able to take care of my kids with a joyful heart. I want to help my company grow and thrive. Right now I can’t seem to force myself to do any of those things.

For those that know me this is a big deal. I don’t even take Tylenol for a migraine, I just deal with it. I don’t like meds and don’t want to take them. I go to pick up the prescription and ask how taking this will impact my nursing infant. This is apparently one of the “most safe” medications, and they are starting me on a small dosage, but here is the list of things to watch for in your baby.

I have an amazing baby, who is happy, healthy, and thriving. I now couldn’t force myself to take the meds that could help me be better for fear of it changing my amazing baby.

After doing some research I am going to go buy some fish oil and turmeric pills, diffuse some oils. Pray it will all help. Anyone have any other suggestions?

To Sell or Not to Sell

Over the last 6 weeks we have been trying to sell the home we have shared for the past 13 years. The home Ben and I welcomed all four of children to, and the only home we have ever called ours.

We worked for 2.5 weeks to get everything ready. Fixing where the dog had chewed, painting where we had patched drywall, getting rid of wallpaper to make the space more appealing, weeding the gardens I hadn’t found time for all summer. A lot of work. A lot of late nights (the only time we seemed to be able accomplish our tasks were after the kids were in bed).

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We have been extremely emotional about the process. We didn’t want to sell the house yet. We didn’t want to move our family from the only life they had known to a trailer while we figured out how to move forward and give them the life we wanted to give them.

But that was what the bank said we needed to do. So we listed our house. We received and accepted an offer after the house was on the market for 1.5 days. But then the day of the inspection the buyer changed their mind, and walked away.

We were back on the market. With a steady stream of two or three showings every day. But no offers. So we decided to drop the price. Finally on day 13 we received our second offer, and accepted it. Three days later the buyer also changed their mind. We received no explanation. No insight as to what had happened or what we could fix to move forward.

An interested buyer asked us to not put the house back up until they could see it, which was encouraging. But didn’t think it would suit their needs after walking through the house.

We have had two more open houses and at least 2-3 showings per day…. we are still waiting.

Anyone want to buy a really awesome home?