On the inside…

For several days now I have been putting on a face. I have been going through the motions and holding life together.

There are children to take care of. A business that needs run. A puppy that still needs love and an old man dog that still matters.

I Am moving forward as fast as I can so that I dont have a moment to think about what has transpired the last week and a half.

But then my 3 year old daughter came up to me. She was doing her chore, feeding the dogs. And she started getting very upset because the third dogs dish wasnt out.

I had to tell her we didnt need that one and to just fill the other two. She started crying. So I bent down and hugged her. She was crying as she said “I just miss Obi so much.”

It makes me wonder, am I doing the right thing by trying to move on and distract myself? Am I teaching them an appropriate way to grieve?

And as I was driving to have dinner with friends I saw myself. Looking “normal” and I felt pretty.

But in that moment of seeing myself I had the opportunity to think. And I just wanted to cry. I feel like I lost a baby. I know it’s not the same, but it feels the same to me.

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